Talking with the Dad of an Adolescent Menstruator with a Bleeding Disorder
Join us as we talk with Emil Wijnker, a dad of adolescent menstruators with bleeding disorders. Emil shares his experience of having a bleeding disorder and of being a dad of daughters with bleeding disorders. He offers some advice to other dads with adolescent menstruators with bleeding disorders.
Transcript
Okay.
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:So I'd like to welcome everyone
this episode of the flow.
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:Today I have a special guest with me.
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:I've got Emil Wanker with me today and
I'm really pleased to have you here today.
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:Thanks for coming Emil.
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:So before we start, yeah, before we
start, why don't you tell me, tell the
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:audience a little bit about who you are.
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:So thank you, Natalie.
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:My name is Emil Wanker.
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:I am a former president of Hemophilia
Ontario and Recently elected president
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:of the Canadian Hemophilia Society.
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:I live with severe hemophilia A, and I'm
really excited to be joining the flow.
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:I've watched the development of
Heroics very closely, and I'm so
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:excited to take part and contribute.
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:This is wonderful.
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:Excellent.
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:Well, I'm so glad that you're with us.
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:Now, before we really get into our
topic, maybe you could tell us a
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:little bit about your experience
of living with a bleeding disorder.
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:Sure.
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:I was diagnosed with severe
hemophilia A at 16 months old.
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:As a teetering toddler, I
fell and I split my lip.
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:Open on our living room coffee
table when it hadn't healed properly
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:and was still bleeding after three
days, my parents figured something
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:is amiss and they took me to the E.
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:R.
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:and where they got my diagnosis.
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:Eventually we had no family
history of hemophilia at all.
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:And so my diagnosis was a complete
surprise to my parents and who
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:they themselves were recently.
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:immigrants to Canada from Holland.
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:So they had no extended
family to fall back on.
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:And that made their experience
as, parents of a newly diagnosed
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:child, especially difficult.
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:I grew up within our bleeding
disorders community here in Ontario.
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:I went to our summer camps where I
got to meet other boys who, who had
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:the same condition as me and who were
experiencing similar issues as me.
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:And I've experienced a wealth
of leadership opportunities and
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:everything through my involvement
with the bleeding disorders community.
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:So, in many respects, I'm very
grateful for my experience
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:living with a bleeding disorder.
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:It doesn't come without its drawbacks.
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:I have an arthropic left elbow and
I have a very restrictive right hip.
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:So I've certainly got some mobility
issues that are absolutely
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:attributable to my bleeding disorder.
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:But All in all, I consider it part of
me and I'm very grateful for everything
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:all the good stuff that's come my way
through through my bleeding disorder.
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:Yeah, and such a great
journey of community.
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:Absolutely.
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:Which is such a wonderful experience
that we hear so much through Humaphilia
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:Ontario is that the community that so
many folks feel when they grow up in
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:this community because, you know, it's
a smaller community and having that
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:available to you is just such a benefit
when you're journeying through an
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:experience that not everybody really
understands or knows much about.
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:Absolutely, and my parents would be the
first ones to extol the virtues of that.
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:I mean, considering they didn't have
their own extended family here in Canada
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:to fall back on, they really leaned
into friendships and connections that
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:they made with other parents of young
boys who were diagnosed with hemophilia
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:around the same time as me, and made
lifelong friendships and connections
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:with members of our community, and it
was a huge benefit to them to help them
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:process dealing with my diagnosis and
learning all the ins and outs of raising
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:a young boy with severe hemophilia.
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:But at the end of the day, it's
relationships and connections,
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:and they will be the first people
to say it's been a huge benefit.
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:Absolutely So I mean, Emil, I've
had the pleasure of working with
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:you through hemophilia Ontario, so I
know that you're a dad, but can you
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:share how many Children you have if
any of them have a bleeding disorder?
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:So I have three daughters who based
on basic hemophilia genetics are what
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:are referred to as obligate carriers.
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:So I knew that any daughters that
I would have if and when I had
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:children, that they would all
inherit my hemophilia gene from me.
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:So I was prepared with that
information prior to having my girls.
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:I also have a son.
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:Who does not have hemophilia.
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:So I have four kids.
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:My first three were daughters who all of
whom have hemophilia and my son does not.
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:So as my understanding of how women are
affected by hemophilia kind of evolved
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:throughout my youth, I understood
that women not only carried the gene
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:which is what the term carrier kind
of implies, but I knew that women
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:were affected by their hemophilia.
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:So because I grew up
within this community.
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:I was fortunate to have interacted with
women and girls who were affected by other
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:bleeding disorders like Von Willebrand's
disease or other rare factor deficiencies.
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:And I'd learned from them how their
bleeding disorder affected them,
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:especially in ways that were different
from my own experience as a male.
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:So when my daughters were born, first off,
I knew that they would have hemophilia.
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:But I was determined to understand.
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:And know as much as possible about
their condition so I could be
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:as prepared as possible for how
it might impact them especially
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:before they began to menstruate.
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:So I advocated with my clinic really,
really directly to have their factor
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:levels tested once they were born.
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:And how do you think all that advocacy,
really, and all that knowledge,
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:because you were obviously really
well prepared, how do you think
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:that has helped both you and them?
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:It's I mean, knowledge is power, right?
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:So I think being able to ask questions
and and obtain as much information
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:as possible as early on as possible
was really, really beneficial.
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:I mean, I was fortunate enough to
have a positive open dialogue with
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:my hemophiliac care nurse at the time
when I approached her initially about.
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:Assessing my daughters for how
they were affected by hemophilia.
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:She was somewhat skeptical and not because
she didn't want to, but because I think
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:my request was outside of the normal
standard operating procedure at the time.
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:We just, we weren't used to
testing girls for hemophilia and
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:She eventually came on side and
ultimately joined me in advocating
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:for the diagnosis of my daughters.
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:And that's something I'm
very, very grateful for.
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:But I recognize though that not
everyone has that same experience.
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:I mean, for some people, I've heard
horror stories from other individuals
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:who just Been climbing this constant
uphill battle and like, banging their
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:head against the wall with people
just saying, no, no, we don't do that.
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:And they're not interested in
investigating how girls like
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:their daughters or even adult
women are impacted by a bleeding
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:disorder, especially when it's 1.
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:that old knowledge would tell people that
doesn't affect girls, like hemophilia.
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:I mean, the old school of thought
was boys have hemophilia, girls are
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:carriers, and that's where it ends.
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:I mean, we know now that it's different,
and women are absolutely affected.
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:If they carry the hemophilia
gene, it absolutely has an
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:impact on their bleeding profile.
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:And it varies wildly amongst women, which
is, I think, warrants even more attention.
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:I think there's no one size fits
all to how your, Hemophilia gene is
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:going to impact you as an individual
who bleeds, whether you're male or
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:female, whether you menstruate or not.
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:It's all different.
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:So I think it's all worthy of
investigation, but it was a really
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:interesting experience to go through
kind of seeing that initial resistance
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:to well, well, no, we know their
carriers and that's all we need to
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:know versus me saying, well, no, I
want to know how they're affected.
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:Because ultimately, I'm very glad
that I did because my oldest daughter
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:her factor levels tested at 32%.
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:So, and that falls within the
diagnostic range for mild hemophilia.
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:So that kind of blew my mind when I got
that result, because if she were a boy,
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:it would have been a very straightforward
case of, yep, you're a hemophiliac.
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:But since she was female, it
seemed like it was a peculiar case.
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:It seemed like.
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:It needed to be considered differently
which I was not having, it's like,
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:the blood test shows we're within
the range for mild hemophilia.
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:She's a mild hemophiliac.
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:So, ultimately, I made the decision to
flat out refer to her as a hemophiliac and
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:not a carrier because that's what she is.
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:Right.
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:My 2nd daughter, her factor levels
came out at 75%, which was really not
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:surprising to us because she hasn't
really experienced many bleeding issues.
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:So, to see her factor levels come
out at such a high range, which, like
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:for the diagnostic criteria, falls
within the normal range for factor.
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:Was not surprising at all, but
with my youngest daughter her
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:factor levels came out at 50%.
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:But, she is highly needlephobic.
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:Like, very, very needle phobic.
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:And the, the blood draw experience was
an extremely tense and stressful event.
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:We know that the stress, that
stress releases stored factors
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:in individuals who are capable
of producing their own factors.
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:So, I strongly believe that her,
her 50 percent factor level was
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:an artificially high reading.
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:Because her bleed just based
on her bleeding profile.
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:I mean, she constantly has bruises.
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:She has nosebleeds all the time.
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:So we're, we're going to be
pursuing further testing to try
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:and get a more authentic assessment
of her status as a hemophiliac.
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:I mean, we already know
that she is a hemophiliac.
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:She has the genes.
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:So we're just going to wait a little
longer and to try and get a more.
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:Comprehensive picture of what her
situation actually is, but for all intents
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:and purposes, we regard her as a bleeder
and we take the appropriate precautions.
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:Right.
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:And you made me think of something
when you were talking and you said how
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:even for you, as knowledgeable as you
are, as experienced as you are met with
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:resistance about getting testing done.
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:Do you have any thoughts for other
parents who might be, cause, I mean,
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:you raised, the point that you and
I know and are quite familiar with
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:and I'm sure lots of other parents
experience that when they want the
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:testing done, they're often refused.
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:So any thoughts for
other parents like that?
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:I think my situation was really
supported by the fact that I had
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:an ongoing positive dialogue with
my clinic team in the first place.
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:And so it wasn't, a cold call.
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:I wasn't just going into saying,
hi, stranger, please test this
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:patient who you don't know.
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:I mean, I had a great relationship with my
nurse and I had, I had done my homework.
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:I had done the research.
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:I knew the facts and I could support
my case for advocating for that draw.
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:But that's not to say that other
patients don't, but I think it was,
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:it was all part of that, that little
small ecosystem of our relationship.
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:Like, my nurse understood that
this wasn't me on a whim asking
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:for something and I had really kind
of come, I had made a case for it.
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:Ultimately though, I'm very grateful
that my clinic team was open to it.
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:I think.
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:If you're lucky to have a clinic
team who is open to it it's a
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:much easier hill to climb than some
clinic teams who just don't, who
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:won't entertain the possibility.
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:And, and I think that there's some
work within our, our larger community
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:to try and add or educate tho those
clinicians or the clinic staff to
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:have a bit more of an open mind.
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:I certainly see that tide turning.
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:I really do.
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:So I hope that as the community develops
a better understanding of how women
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:are affected by bleeding disorders.
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:And I mean, my experience
is limited to hemophilia.
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:That is my personal lens that from
which I'm approaching this situation.
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:I mean, I have hemophilia.
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:I know that my daughters have hemophilia.
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:So my perspective is from a hemophilia
space, but that doesn't mean it doesn't
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:apply to other bleeding disorders.
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:Either any woman who is affected or any
person who menstruates who is affected
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:by a bleeding disorder deserves the same
care and attention from their clinic team.
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:But I think as our understanding
as a community evolves.
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:And we develop a better understanding
on how women are affected and the.
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:Value of understanding women's situations
with their bleeding disorders and
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:that comes with testing and, and
factor levels and, and all of that.
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:Hopefully that tide will turn and we
will see less resistance on the part of
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:clinic teams to get that testing done.
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:I don't know if I have a magic bullet
or, a great solution to kind of, you
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:know, Change the mind of a clinic who
has said no, we're not going to do that.
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:I hope to see that eventually move along
well, and it's so dependent on so many
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:factors, but it's great to sometimes
hear from a parent who actually made
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:it happen because in so many instances
they're told no, they're told we'll wait.
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:It's not necessary.
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:Maybe when they can consent,
like all of those things.
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:I will say.
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:I did get the let's wait.
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:I advocated as soon as my girls were born
and I got told, well, no, let's wait until
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:they're closer to menstruating, which
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:I'm not totally sure
how I feel about that.
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:I feel, I almost wonder, like,
if it would have been better to
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:just do it as a baby and just
know everything right off the hop.
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:But I could see the argument for like,
really menstruation was What we were
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:most concerned about knowing that that
was guaranteed bleeding episode that
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:they were going to be experiencing.
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:Eventually.
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:I wanted to make sure that we were as
prepared for that as possible to make
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:sure that things didn't go awry when
they didn't have to, if we could avoid
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:any needlessly unpleasant situations
with with their menstruation, then let's
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:get ahead of that as much as possible.
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:But, I mean, reflecting back on
it, There really could not have
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:been any harm in knowing earlier.
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:I mean, what if they were in
a car accident as a toddler?
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:Exactly.
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:Exactly.
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:We should have been able to have that
information as early as possible.
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:So I will say I did get
that from my clinic.
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:Like it was a, well, no, let's
wait until they're a bit older.
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:And I almost wonder too, If doing a
blood draw with my third, for example
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:if we would have been able to maybe get
a better reading, really interesting
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:understanding of needles and everything.
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:Right?
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:So, absolutely.
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:Absolutely.
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:And you are right.
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:Like, that's what came to my mind.
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:Is that for me, that actually doesn't
make sense in the sense of waiting to
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:menstruation because what about an injury?
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:What about an accident?
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:What about all these things?
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:And especially in the case where you said.
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:For two of your Children, like
that percentage is really low.
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:Right.
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:So that wouldn't have been
a great time to find out.
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:Right.
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:So you raise a really, really good point.,
and also I really liked what you brought
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:up even around the needle phobia, like
as a younger, you know, as a baby, there
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:wouldn't have been, it's not a pleasant
experience anyways, in that situation, but
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:not the same needle phobia at that time.
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:So there's a, there's a lot of that.
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:Kind of going back and
forth in that debate.
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:So it is interesting to hear some
of those perspectives around really
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:advocating and what it took to
get it actually done in that case.
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:And even for you, you
still got the let's wait.
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:Right.
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:So that's interesting.
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:That's really interesting.
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:So I was also thinking, I was going to ask
you about in the situation with yourself,
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:like you, you reference daughters.
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:And of course, I'll be inclusive.
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:I'll say for any dads who have
adolescence with the potential to
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:menstruate with bleeding disorders,
do you think it's a unique position
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:to be a dad in that situation?
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:Oh, absolutely.
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:Well, and in my household,
I'm very outnumbered.
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:I mean, I have a wife and three daughters.
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:My son and I, we are
outnumbered two to one.
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:For people who menstruate
and people who don't.
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:in our household.
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:So are people with the
potential to menstruate?
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:I should say.
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:Because my youngest daughter actually
hasn't started her period but it's coming.
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:We're very, very near.
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:We can tell.
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:The hormone cycle is quite evident.
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:I will say.
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:I really think, like, as a dad of
adolescent girls going through that,
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:I try very much to just be open and
honest and not shy away from any of the
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:period talk or any of the discussion
regarding their menstruation because
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:for me, I regard it as a bleed.
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:I see it as a bleed.
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:And so having grown up with a bleeding
disorder myself, bleeds were a big deal.
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:You took bleeds very seriously.
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:And so I know that my girls are going to
be having a bleed every four ish weeks.
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:And so I'm going to take that seriously.
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:I want to make sure that everything
is, is on the up and up, that they have
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:whatever supplies that they need or
they have that they're feeling okay.
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:And maybe at the end of their period
that they're not completely wiped out.
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:I mean, Since we were able to obtain
the diagnosis from my oldest before
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:she started menstruating we were
prepared We had tranexamic acid for
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:her to take because we know that that
helps with with mucosal bleeding.
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:We had ferritin She was prescribed
ferritin to help make sure that
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:her iron levels didn't drop and
she wasn't completely drained
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:at the end of her period.
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:She does experience a heavy flow.
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:My wife has a heavy flow.
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:So we were uber prepared for that
So we go through a lot of feminine
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:hygiene products in our house but
we we are well stocked and we make
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:sure that we have them on hand.
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:We're as prepared as we possibly can we
have very open and honest conversations
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:just about periods and flow and
bleeding because, like, our daughters,
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:they know, like, they still have that
teenage, ew, dad, ew, my period, like.
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:They still have that reaction, but
they know that if I'm asking about
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:their period, it's because I have a
genuine concern about their bleeding.
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:They know that that's the lens from
which I'm approaching that conversation.
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:I don't have this morbid fascination
with their period or anything.
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:Like, I'm concerned about bleeding.
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:And they know that
that's a big deal for me.
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:So, we have really open and
honest conversations about it.
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:It's not taboo I mean, it's not
to say that it's like dinnertime
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:conversation or anything, but right.
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:But we do talk about it probably way
more than a regular family would.
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:Well, that's actually
what I was just thinking.
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:I thought it was interesting when
you said, you view it as a bleed.
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:Now, as you said, in your
house, you're very comfortable.
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:You're coming at it from a different lens.
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:You have no issues with menstruation.
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:But there is a lot of menstrual
stigma in our culture, in our
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:institutions, all over the place.
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:So not every dad would probably find
themselves, in fairness, Super comfortable
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:with that conversation because they
may have been raised that it is taboo.
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:It's not to be discussed.
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:It's not anything that you talk about
with adolescent menstruators or those
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:with the potential to menstruate.
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:And when you said you kind of come at
it from a place of this is a bleed.
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:Do you think like in terms of
getting over that menstrual stigma?
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:sort of barrier for other dads.
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:Do you think that would be a
good lens with which to view it?
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:Like just take the menstrual stigma
out of it and just view it as a bleed
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:or do you have any thoughts on that?
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:I absolutely do.
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:I think that's kind of helped me to
rationalize it for myself because I mean,
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:I grew up with that same tabooness, or
that same stigma surrounding menstruation.
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:Like I was raised with that.
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:I'm concerned for my daughter's welfare.
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:And so that's where I'm coming
at it from a parent and Because I
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:myself am a hemophiliac and I have
just been, it's been ingrained into
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:me to make sure that you manage
bleeding properly and everything.
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:I just, that was the most appropriate
mind frame to put it into for myself.
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:And I think it makes a lot of sense.
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:But I think talking about menstruation
with your daughters should be
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:akin to like talking with your
kids about brushing their teeth.
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:Right?
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:Like, it's not something you're going
to bring up all the time, but if you are
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:bringing it up, it's probably because
you're concerned about it a little bit,
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:or you want to remind them that, you know,
this, we've got to make sure that we're
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:taking care of this properly because of
such and such and such wellness reasons.
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:Right.
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:It should be the same
thing for other periods.
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:Like, you want to make sure that
they're, you're bringing it up regularly.
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:That is just a topic of conversation
related to their wellness.
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:And for adolescents who menstruate or
who have the propensity to menstruate,
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:it is part of their wellness.
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:It is an aspect of their wellness.
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:it isn't the case for my son, but
it certainly is for my daughters.
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:So I think it's just another facet of
that conversation that We just add in
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:and we've normalized it in our household.
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:And I think the more proactive you can be
in normalizing it, the easier it becomes.
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:I mean, was I comfortable going into the
grocery store and buying three boxes of
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:pads the first couple of times I did it?
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:Absolutely not.
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:I mean, societal stigma
still feels very, very real.
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:But nowadays, I don't care at all.
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:I invite the questions, so.
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:But it's neat that you said that because,
you know, you present as very comfortable
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:with the topic, which maybe other dads
wouldn't even be able to relate to, but
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:I like that you said, Actually, in the
beginning, I wasn't comfortable either.
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:I wasn't comfortable going
into the grocery store.
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:That conversation wasn't
exactly comfortable for me.
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:And I, I like that because what you're
saying is it wasn't always this easy.
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:There was a time it was really awkward,
but you were able to kind of work
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:through it and working through it
was really about continuing to do it.
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:100%.
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:It absolutely is a journey and
It's when you go through together.
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:It's not, this is not some personal
journey of self discovery that I've gone
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:on with regard to my daughter's periods.
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:This is some, this is a journey we've
gone on together and like we've been
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:traveling or we were traveling when my
second daughter got her first period
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:and I will say we were underprepared.
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:So we were going into this random
grocery or a drugstore in this community.
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:We've never been into before.
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:And it was me going in there to buy her
products and everything because we needed
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:to make sure that we had what we needed.
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:But it's been a journey we've gone
on together as a family, and we, it
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:started with some really open and honest
conversations, which I will recognize
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:that not everyone might be comfortable
having right off the hop, so I, I
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:probably did have a bit of a leg up,
but, like, to my point earlier, like,
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:it's not to say that I was as comfortable
as I am now, right from the get go.
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:Absolutely not.
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:Yeah, that's fair.
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:And I think it's helpful
for other dads to know that.
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:Yeah.
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:So how do you think other dads could best
support their children or adolescents with
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:bleeding disorders, especially around the
potential to menstruate and menstruating?
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:How do you think they
can best support them?
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:I think having those open and honest
conversations And just trying to
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:break down some of that teenager
stigma or teenage reactions.
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:Cause the first time any dad's gonna
bring that up with their daughter, it's
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:probably gonna be like, Ugh, dad, why
are you talking about this or whatever?
414
:Like, you're gonna get that
reaction from your teen or preteen.
415
:I mean, my daughter started at 11, so it
was a bit of a different conversation.
416
:But, it's So I think just having those
conversations and then not backing down
417
:because if you get that comment, that
reaction from your teen or your preteen,
418
:it's very easy as a parent to just
be like, fine, talk with your mother
419
:right.
420
:No, you, let me know when you're
ready to talk about it, which there
421
:is a time and a place for that, but
I, I did not give up that easily.
422
:And I don't think all parents should.
423
:It was something I just kept
revisiting and kept coming back
424
:to and just bringing it up very.
425
:Openly and frankly it wasn't a
whispered conversation or anything
426
:like, Hey, let's talk about your period.
427
:So I noticed you're, you're
in this point of your cycle.
428
:Are, do you have enough products
on hand or I took out the garbage.
429
:I noticed you're in the middle of
everything is how is your bleeding?
430
:Is everything going?
431
:All right.
432
:Like, just bringing it up as naturally
as possible, which granted for most
433
:dads is going to be a huge thing
to overcome for themselves, too.
434
:But I think that's 1 of the best
ways that you can support your
435
:adolescent menstruators is just by.
436
:Showing them that you're in it with them.
437
:No, you're not menstruating alongside
with them, but show them that
438
:they are not alone in experiencing
what they're experiencing.
439
:They have a support system.
440
:They have someone who is concerned and
who is aware of what's going on with them.
441
:Even though you might not be
experiencing it personally
442
:yourself, just showing to them that.
443
:You know that they're going through
something and you're there for them.
444
:You're willing to support them.
445
:However, you possibly can.
446
:Hopefully they're receptive to that.
447
:And I think that that is a
great way to support them.
448
:I think for my situation and for
other fathers with a bleeding
449
:disorder who know that they're going
to be passing that down to their
450
:daughters, whether it's von Willebrand
disease, or whether it's hemophilia.
451
:Knowing that I was going to
have daughters, I advocated.
452
:So if you are a hemophiliac and you
are having children, know that your
453
:daughters will have hemophilia as well.
454
:And when you do have a daughter,
take those steps and advocate for
455
:your daughter with your clinic team.
456
:And maybe push a little hard to get
an earlier diagnosis but just try
457
:and get as much testing as you can.
458
:Just gather that knowledge
because knowledge is power.
459
:Yeah, any information you can gather
with respect to your child's bleeding
460
:disorder will help you in the long run.
461
:It can only benefit you.
462
:Which is great advice really for all
dads with adolescent menstruators, right?
463
:Having that conversation and having that
support, is such a great thing for all,
464
:but particularly if that adolescent also
has a bleeding disorder and it is a little
465
:more reminiscent of dealing with a bleed.
466
:And I kind of like how you framed
that because although It's not maybe
467
:a bleed like you said you would have
it's still a monthly bleed that is
468
:typically more excessive than an
average menstrual period, right?
469
:So, I liked that way of just kind of
journeying through making it really frank.
470
:It whispers or embarrassing.
471
:And I also liked your thoughts around
like at first they are going to say,
472
:Hey, Ew, I'm not having this conversation
with you, right, because it's not just
473
:our families that create that stigma.
474
:It's everywhere.
475
:So they've got to overcome some of that
in their house, nothing to do with you.
476
:So I like that you're like,
okay, I'm not forcing myself on
477
:it, but I'm gently revisiting.
478
:Yeah, going back going.
479
:You know what?
480
:This is a concern.
481
:I want to support.
482
:I want to make sure everything's okay.
483
:Let's have this frank conversation and
kind of just gently sort of going back
484
:into it where it sounds like in your case,
eventually they've just gotten used to it.
485
:Yeah, very much.
486
:And I mean, there's a distinction.
487
:I think just hearing you say back to
me, I think there's a distinction to be
488
:made to between discretion and stigma.
489
:And so I think you can still be discreet
about dealing with with menstruation.
490
:And because I think.
491
:Any teenager is going to want that
and appreciate that, but you can
492
:still have those conversations,
but be discreet about it.
493
:But like I said, like, it's not
typically dinner conversation, but
494
:it's something we're going to bring up.
495
:And yeah, I'm not going to do it in the
middle of the grocery store with them,
496
:or I'm not going to do it with, like, in
front of their friends or anything, but I
497
:am going to revisit those conversations.
498
:Because as a parent, you have
conversations all the time with
499
:your child, and those opportunities
for those discreet conversations.
500
:Conversations come up and I, but
I think there is is a valuable
501
:distinction to be made there because.
502
:I think it's still more discretion because
it is after all a personal experience.
503
:Right?
504
:So I'm not going to put it on blast.
505
:I'm not going to broadcast it out
to the world, but I'm going to
506
:make sure that you know that I'm
there for you and I'm supportive.
507
:And what have you found it easiest
to have those conversations, just
508
:as an example, just or in the car.
509
:I mean, I'm often driving my kids
to various activities or whatever.
510
:So we have a lot of one on one time.
511
:So our lifestyle just lends
itself really well to that.
512
:But yeah, evenings.
513
:Like when you're kind of just kind
of slowing down and getting ready
514
:for for sleep and everything and
just kind of throwing it out there.
515
:Be like, hey, everything.
516
:All right.
517
:I'm getting ready for bed or whatever
or or 1st thing in the morning.
518
:I mean, it's usually me and 1
of my daughters in the kitchen.
519
:1st thing in the morning.
520
:I'm making coffee and she's pouring
yogurt and it's just the 2 of us.
521
:So those little moments that you can
steal where it's just the 2 of you.
522
:And then I'll relay whatever concerns or
anything relevant, I'll share it back with
523
:my wife as well, because we are a team.
524
:Yeah.
525
:And we approach it together, but even
if it's me that has that conversation,
526
:I'll share it with her, and likewise,
she'll share things with me, because
527
:she knows that I'm very proactive when
it comes to my daughter's bleeding.
528
:So, insofar as my wife is probably much
more the expert on the menstruation
529
:specific side of it than I am, we share
that information, and because we're both
530
:coming at it from very different angles.
531
:Right, so, Emile, last question that
I had for you is, do you have any
532
:other advice that you would give dads?
533
:With adolescent menstruators or
with the potential to menstruate
534
:with a bleeding disorder.
535
:Any other advice to throw out for them?
536
:I think like I've kind of already
mentioned this as well, but I
537
:think think of it as a bleed.
538
:I think if you yourself have a
bleeding disorder, and you've kind
539
:of been like, trained throughout your
life to take bleed seriously, and
540
:you got it, you develop that spidey
sense for yourself and everything.
541
:You're not going to have a spidey
sense for your bleed as a menstruator,
542
:but it is still a bleeding episode.
543
:And so if you would take it seriously
for yourself, if you were bleeding that
544
:much, take it seriously for your child.
545
:So if you know that they are going to
be experiencing that monthly bleed,
546
:Think of it, come at it from that angle.
547
:I think it makes it a lot easier to
approach those conversations, especially
548
:for men who aren't used to talking
openly or frankly about menstruation.
549
:Don't think of it as a period,
but think of it as a bleed.
550
:I think that's really been helpful but
ultimately normalizing that conversation.
551
:'s no reason for us to, to in:to have this stigma around menstruation.
552
:It happens, it's It's part of the
reproductive cycle for humans.
553
:It's necessary.
554
:It's normal.
555
:Let's get over it and just deal with it.
556
:Yeah, no, yeah, for sure.
557
:Well, thank you so much, Emil.
558
:This was really helpful.
559
:And I think it's really interesting
to get the perspective of a dad
560
:for, you know, everybody to sort of
hear what that looks like, what that
561
:experience is, how to help support.
562
:How to help prepare.
563
:And I think you had a really a lot of
really rich contributions around what
564
:folks can really pull from as parents.
565
:But also if you were an adolescent
menstruator or someone with the potential
566
:to menstruate listening and maybe
wanting to take some takeaways from that.
567
:So thanks so much for
doing this with me today.
568
:No problem, Natalie.
569
:It's my pleasure.
570
:Thank you for having me.